She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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