Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Enjoy the penises
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
