just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
