you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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