I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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