I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
