I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
