Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
