i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't deserve a penis
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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