Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
