Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
