i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize