john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
