I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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