babies were throwing up all over the place
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
