yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
