girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
