he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
