Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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