Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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