I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
