omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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