ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
