Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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