she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
