Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
