The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
