I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize