You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
