she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
