dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
