All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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