1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
