If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
