Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
