I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
