Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
