Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
