If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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