my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
