I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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