I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
