decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
