College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
