I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
