Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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