it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
