did you get engaged???
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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