I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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