i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
