your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
