maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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