youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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