it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
