we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
