Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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