at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
