I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize