Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
