just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
