We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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