he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
