We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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