I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
