I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
