Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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