my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
