Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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