Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
