I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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