His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
