just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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