I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
