so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
