I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
