Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
