How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
