Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
