Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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